Monday, April 4, 2016

3-4-2016, Sunburnt Sunday

We have joy, we have fun, we have seasons in the sun...

Everytime the sun shines on me... i feel like im the most alive guy in this world...

Sometimes, no matter how hard you try on others, things just never seem to be easy.
So, why not just try on yourself? You're the only person who will never push yourself away..

Three positive things:
1. Made my second appearance in the KTM..... nice solitary ride
2. 'Walked' the 5km Songkrun, observed a lot of beautiful scenes
3. Satisfied my craving of A & W rootbeer

When you start to love people, maybe there is a chance that people dont love you
but when you begin to love yourself, there is always you to love yourself and perhaps people will be attracted to you too.

No one ever likes the feeling of being ignored and neglected.... no one... and i will rise against these situations and just do what i should do.

Sunday, April 3, 2016

2-4-2016, Spiritful Saturday

Havent been feeling so relaxed, serene and good for this while...

Saturday is meant to be awesome if you're had a bad week in school, job or routine during weekdays..

Three positive things:
1. Performed well and steadily in the futsal game, even i was injured last week
2. Stopped and gazed at the beauty of my college, i really miss college life, any moment of boredom or excitement
3. Had a nice gathering with two eleven years besties, we sang out our lungs

If you're important, people will always find a few minutes for you even their routines are hectic
Wheareas, if you're totally nothing, people wouldnt spend a single second with you even they are available for 24/7.

Saturday, April 2, 2016

1-4-2016, Fading Friday

A day full of sentiments and emotions
Fridays arent necessary happy and enjoyable...

Three positive things:
1. Edward's last day at Easyuni, so big boss treat all of us lunch
2. Angelique and Ivy kept joking about my gay partner hahaha
3. I feel needed because a friend approached me when she has something to tell

Life is never gonna be easy especially when you want to simplify it.
Life is not suppose to be easy because people are complicated....

I hope one day i will find someone who may not be simple but at least try to understand the complex and dark side of me
Then i will be grateful....

Everything will fade, even the deepest love, longest scar, strongest bond.....
If u let all these move on with time, everything will change... will fade


Friday, April 1, 2016

31-3-2016, ,Tumbling Thursday

Things have not been easy lately. I need to deal with any negativity everytime I miss u. The only thing I can keep doing is to make myself busy and occupied. I don't wanna have any space and time to think bout u at all.
If I don't even worth your few seconds of time, why should I even spend hours waiting for u. Silly enough right
Too many things telling me that you and mr are impossible.

Three positive things today:
1. Went to a press conference for the first time
2. Had a very memorable eye contact with a female student at BAC wow.. she is sweet
3. Had free ice cream from my boss without aircond in the office

One day I will stop thinking of u perhaps

Thursday, March 31, 2016

30-3-2016, Withdrawal Wednesday

Whats so good about falling in love is that you can let your that feeling flow naturally
But when you fall in love with someone impossible, you may need to block, stop or even let go.

Things have not been easy for me. 2016 so far has been stable and normal for me, just that sometimes emotions are overwhelmed and thoughts are distorted. And again, this time i need to learn how to shift my attention away from thinking about people who dont give a shit about me.

Here is what i gonna do. List down three positive things everyday to learn savouring and appreciating my life.
Perhaps it can serve as a motivator for me on the next day.

1. Won a race against the elevator from the ninth floor using a normal stair descending pace
2. Saw a friend, (she is pretty duh) and had a small talk
3. Got my allowance hahahaha

Alright, thats it.
Good night world.

Perhaps i aint waiting for her to like me but i am waiting for the day i no longer waiting....

Sunday, March 27, 2016

Be(lie)ve

How funny is it when you have been searching for inner peace for this long and that few seconds just messed up your day like this?

Ever asked yourself why are you upset, why do you care so much? Is it because she lied to you, not telling you the truth? Is it because she means hell lot to you and you just hope she is that perfect kinda person? Is it you feel like a fool trusting a person who doesnt need your trust at all? Or is it you still hope that everything you saw or heard was just a misunderstanding?

Sometimes is not about people who lied to you, is about you believing them

You may take an easy decision to trust someone. But that is always gonna be a risk, that anything could be a deception, incongruence and dishonesty. No one has the obligation to be always honest to you, especially you're totally nothing to them.

What is so good about lying is it seems most of them time if you do that timely and nicely, it seems like the sweetest lie can protect you or someone else from getting hurt.
What is so horrible about lying is the person who trusted and found out the truth couldnt say anything but to cope with this 'betrayal' silently all by themselves.

Reality is cruel, is full of deception, unfaithfulness and fake people. Those who tend to believe first are usually naive, kind and always encounter failure.
Actually these kinda people are not stupid, they are just brave. They gutted up themselves to give you a perfect piece of paper, knowing you by anytime could crumble that paper. But this is the way it has to be, is a cycle of life. You just needa keep trying. Sometimes you will meet bad ass who lied to you a thousand times, sometimes you will meet sincere people who always tell the worse truth.

At last, i just hope everything is just a misunderstanding.
But do i really have the courage to ask and clarify? I dont know

Saturday, March 26, 2016

So Long, Pal

Hola, amigo!

I came back for you, my beloved friend, the relieved child :)

Kinda needa summarize what happened to me in these few months or i should day in 2016 so far.

Academic
Well, not much duh. Mixed feelings as these two years of degree programme is coming to an end soon after i complete my internship. Perhaps academic achievement aka the CGPA doesnt represent everything, wouldnt guarantee success in the future, but overall im kinda proud of myself for scoring such good grades and being so consistent in every semester final examination. MUM, thanks for trusting me, i didnt let you down. I dont know what will i be in the future but i will try everything to make you and my late father, Mr Stanley proud. 3.91, kinda sweet revenge for me after being short of 0.02 grade point to earn a distinction during my diploma.
Regret huh? I didnt spend more time and effort on my final year project and i got my first B in degree 'thanks' to you, Mr Rahman hahahaa... the perfectionist tutor. I will be back for u... and replace you in Taruc... i willl (hahaha)

Internship
Hmm... in progress. But i do learn alot besides from my routine work. Learnt how to communicate with people, fit in a group of people with diverse culture and age. Besides, i have been improving on my writing skills and english i think. And i feel that slight sense of accomplishment when my supervisor affirmed and praised my efficiency. Thanks...

Social
Met a lot of people in different occasions, developed some close friendships, tightened some friendship bonds, got to know more people from different countries at my workplace. Sometimes is really hard to identify who will stay with you until the end of your life. Maybe nothing lasts forever, but what matters is you appreciate those moments and make great efforts to make them stay. People come and go every second in different corner of the world. It is a cycle and sometimes it is just uncontrollable and unpredictable. And i cherish whoever that came into and went out of my life. You will never expect the stranger you didnt wanna talk to at the first place, could become your soulmate, your friend or even your spouse. Lastly, i would like to convey my deepest thankfulness to those people who tried to understand my inner world, who is trying to read a complicated and deep book like me. I know i'm a complicated bad ass hahaha...

Personal
Family
Both of them are doing fine. Nothing much changed duh. My sister is still my sister, while my mother who is the breadwinner of the family, is still working so hard for the family. For now, i only can be disciplined and responsible on my own future to reduce their burden. To pay back what they done for me? I just couldnt do much cause i have lack of resources, lack of maturity and wisdom. I just hope they are always healthy and happy.

Love life aka Lofe
Well, things are strange and fate is fascinating. Came across quite a lot of girls after i broke up, made friends with them, tried to make things as natural as possible. Hard duh... everyone told me the right girl will come. But how daheq i know who is her hahahaha when she really appears =.=
Every girl is unique and is kinda hard for me to feel. Slowly i realized maybe im not searching for a girlfriend but a half girlfriend and a half wife. Ya i know i am still young and love is the least important thing i should concern about. But i have no idea why it always troubles me this much.
Always try to improve myself as a whole partly because i wanna be a really good boyfriend and give 101% to my next girlfriend. Perhaps this is not the way, and im not ready and i should not be in love yet. Too soon, son. Well, i did met someone who made my heart pounce faster recently. She isnt those kind that i would spend time to understand, but she changed my mind, she added elements in my life, in my world. No matter she has a chance to fall for me or not, im just gonna learn from the process and failure perhaps *still observing, to be continued* Anyway, things will come, will come. And i know is hard to fall to for a guy like me so let all this become mystery and lets not get too over it, Ronnie

Leisure
Music
Still playing my old 2007 pal, covered few songs but composed quite a number of songs. I am not very good in words, especially verbal communication. Though these years, i become more silent and cautious about my words but when i speak, i tend to use the wrong words or context. Shit, maybe i should really listen more and understand more. Meanwhile, i only can use my melodies and songs to express myself duh. Music has its power, that unexplainable power, while i sing and strum to the melody, not only i express my emotions, sing a thousand of words out loud, the melody also heals my as a whole :) .. I may not have make the sweetest melody nor have the most charming voice, but i believe those who understand my music will understand me. Listen more good music, and write more good music :)

Ball
Nothing much too, still the old me who plays seriously and with total involvement. Tried a lot of new skills and positions. Stamina went down drastically, maybe i am really old. Still being that humble and aggressive, oppps i injured again.


Reality
Have been learning a lot of shits bout reality after i have started my internship. People around the world needs help every second. Maybe they just need a very small assistance and favour, but i realized when i lend my hand to them, it may mean hell lot more than a small action. The world is indeed full of nice people, if you cant find one, be one. I can get my shoe soaked, my hair wet, my face humid because i needa cover a stranger to a car with my umbrella. But i wouldnt mind, cause the God gave me a chance to help, gave me a chance to feel alive. Well, routine life makes reality looks worse but accept the challenge because reality isnt exist to bring us down but to let us grow.


Future
I have no sight over it. Confusion all the way. Been thinking what should i really do next with my internship ending and my convocation either on July or November. Short courses during my break? Steady job with part time master studies? This is a long term process and i am kinda helpless when it comes to uncertainty. But i am the only answer for myself cause only i know what is best for me. Just gonna make sure i wont regret on my own actions and decisions

Ron, keep growing and improving. Learning and exploring is a life long process and you're up for it because this is what life supposed to be